We Wouldn't Miss Them
Alright, I actually had an alternate topic for yesterday that I was gonna write about but the Tylenol pissed me off so badly that I couldn't resist. So, without further adieu, I shall begin my therapy for today.
Everyone is afraid of something. Whether it be your mother-in-law, a killer crocodile, or falling out of an airplane. Now sure, these could all be scary in their own right... but they could never beat my fear. Oh no, I have a phobia so great, it has actually left me CRYING and SHAKING in fear! And do you know what this horrible phobia that even makes the great ME so scared?
Spiders.
Yes, those EIGHT LEGGED CREEPY THINGS THAT COME FROM THE NINETH LAYER OF HELL AND ARE THE PERSONAL SPAWN OF THE DEVIL HIMSELF!
I'm very aware that most of you are laughing by now, and if I didn't have this phobia I might be too. But I'm not. You see, spiders are a VERY serious threat. Have you ever LOOKED at this things? THEY'RE HUGE! And by huge, I mean like AN INCH LONG! Like cripes! That thing could eat me alive! And have you ever watched them crawl around? They look like they're plotting something evil AS they're staring at YOU!
Now, no phobia would be complete without some HORRIBLE traumatizing event in my life to cause it. Well, I honestly don't remember how it started. My sister probably threw one in my bed when I was younger and that's how it started. But besides that, I've been afraid of spiders even since I could remember. I've also noticed that this phobia has gotten worse as my years have progressed. And yesterday, I had an encounter with one of the Satan spawns...
Now, with a broken leg, your parents think that you're useless and they ship you off to be with your grandmother so that you don't stay home alone by yourself and end up dead by the time they get home at night. So what does any old lady do this time of year? Go flower shopping at the garden centers. Now personally, I like going flower shopping, so I really didn't mind. The only thing I really minded was the pain in my leg and as you should know, those Tylenol 3s I took before we went out didn't help at all. So, after hobbling around at the garden centers we finally decided to take our haul and go home. Keep in mind, the last garden center we went to was in the middle of NO WHERE and it was about a 45 minute drive back to her house. Joy.
Now, again, I don't usually mind a longer drive because it gives me time to stretch out my sore leg and maybe have a little nap, which is what I planned on doing... until I saw IT. There it was, this little white spider (and by little I mean HUGE) crawling up my LEG. Naturally, I kinda freaked and swatted it off. So, I figured I mighta killed the thing so I promptly began to stretch out and relax... until I turned my head to look out the window. There was the spider I thought I had just killed CRAWLING RIGHT BESIDE MY ARM ON THE FREAKIN' DOOR! So naturally, the anxiety and TOTAL FREAKIN' ABOUT TO WET MYSELF fear kicks in (thankfully, I held my bladder). So there it was, staring at me...and what does it do? IT STARTS SPINNING A WEB RIGHT BESIDE MY ARM ON THE DOOR! Naturally, I want to get AS FAR AWAY FROM THE HELL SPAWN AS I COULD, so I asked my grandmother to pull over. She just laughed and said no... and asked why I was breathing so heavily and CLUTCHING on to her arm ._.
Now, if you've ever been afraid of something, you know that you can't take your eyes off of it EVER, because if you move for even a SECOND, you know its somehow going to disappear and pop out behind you and eat you. So, all I could do for the remaining 30 MINUTES was to stare at this embodiment of evil, SCARED OUTTA MY FREAKIN' MIND, until we finally reached her house. But oh no, there would be a detour because GOD FORBID my grandmother NOT have her third Tim Horton's coffee of the day! (Thankfully the place is a 2 minute drive from her house or I SERIOUSLY would have had some form of heart attack). So JUST when I thought I would be safe from the ultimate evil she pulls over and goes RIGHT into the drive-thru.
Ever stared your fear in the eye (or eyes, spiders have 9 of them) and thought "GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE?" Well, that's how I felt. No where to run, no where to hide... it was just me, and it, in the drive-thru, with no escape. So the entire time we sat there, I was praying to God like it was judgement day, asking the Almighty to deliver me from the evil that is the hell spawn spider. And I think it worked, because thankfully, there were no other cars in the drive-thru and we got out pretty fast. So, we pulled out and headed for her house which I thought would finally be the end of it. But oh no, obviously the spawn of Satan has to have at least ONE trick left up its sleeve (or whatever spiders hide stuff in) to torture me with. So at last, we arrived at her house and she stopped to let me out of the car so that I could go up the steps into her house before she pull the car into the driveway (it's a bit tight in there).
After waiting SO long to get out of that car, I was finally ready to announce my victory over the evil spider! Or at least, I thought I would. But no, this is where the evil hellion had to use his trump card. As I stood up and flung the door open, do you know what it did? I assume in all of that web making he made some little tricks because as soon as I opened the door and attempted my prison break style escape IT CAME FLYING AT ME ON ONE OF ITS WEBS, HEADING STRAIGHT FOR MY FACE! Thankfully, I think God gave me a hand (literally) and helped me to swing my own with such precision and force that I sent that bugger flying back to hell! Now, not wanting to see if it would return for another round, I hopped so fast into that house that I scared the crap outta my bunny who was relaxing on the floor. Poor bunny. But alas, I had beaten the spawn of Satan and vanquished the evil! For now...
Everyone is afraid of something. Whether it be your mother-in-law, a killer crocodile, or falling out of an airplane. Now sure, these could all be scary in their own right... but they could never beat my fear. Oh no, I have a phobia so great, it has actually left me CRYING and SHAKING in fear! And do you know what this horrible phobia that even makes the great ME so scared?
Spiders.
Yes, those EIGHT LEGGED CREEPY THINGS THAT COME FROM THE NINETH LAYER OF HELL AND ARE THE PERSONAL SPAWN OF THE DEVIL HIMSELF!
I'm very aware that most of you are laughing by now, and if I didn't have this phobia I might be too. But I'm not. You see, spiders are a VERY serious threat. Have you ever LOOKED at this things? THEY'RE HUGE! And by huge, I mean like AN INCH LONG! Like cripes! That thing could eat me alive! And have you ever watched them crawl around? They look like they're plotting something evil AS they're staring at YOU!
Now, no phobia would be complete without some HORRIBLE traumatizing event in my life to cause it. Well, I honestly don't remember how it started. My sister probably threw one in my bed when I was younger and that's how it started. But besides that, I've been afraid of spiders even since I could remember. I've also noticed that this phobia has gotten worse as my years have progressed. And yesterday, I had an encounter with one of the Satan spawns...
Now, with a broken leg, your parents think that you're useless and they ship you off to be with your grandmother so that you don't stay home alone by yourself and end up dead by the time they get home at night. So what does any old lady do this time of year? Go flower shopping at the garden centers. Now personally, I like going flower shopping, so I really didn't mind. The only thing I really minded was the pain in my leg and as you should know, those Tylenol 3s I took before we went out didn't help at all. So, after hobbling around at the garden centers we finally decided to take our haul and go home. Keep in mind, the last garden center we went to was in the middle of NO WHERE and it was about a 45 minute drive back to her house. Joy.
Now, again, I don't usually mind a longer drive because it gives me time to stretch out my sore leg and maybe have a little nap, which is what I planned on doing... until I saw IT. There it was, this little white spider (and by little I mean HUGE) crawling up my LEG. Naturally, I kinda freaked and swatted it off. So, I figured I mighta killed the thing so I promptly began to stretch out and relax... until I turned my head to look out the window. There was the spider I thought I had just killed CRAWLING RIGHT BESIDE MY ARM ON THE FREAKIN' DOOR! So naturally, the anxiety and TOTAL FREAKIN' ABOUT TO WET MYSELF fear kicks in (thankfully, I held my bladder). So there it was, staring at me...and what does it do? IT STARTS SPINNING A WEB RIGHT BESIDE MY ARM ON THE DOOR! Naturally, I want to get AS FAR AWAY FROM THE HELL SPAWN AS I COULD, so I asked my grandmother to pull over. She just laughed and said no... and asked why I was breathing so heavily and CLUTCHING on to her arm ._.
Now, if you've ever been afraid of something, you know that you can't take your eyes off of it EVER, because if you move for even a SECOND, you know its somehow going to disappear and pop out behind you and eat you. So, all I could do for the remaining 30 MINUTES was to stare at this embodiment of evil, SCARED OUTTA MY FREAKIN' MIND, until we finally reached her house. But oh no, there would be a detour because GOD FORBID my grandmother NOT have her third Tim Horton's coffee of the day! (Thankfully the place is a 2 minute drive from her house or I SERIOUSLY would have had some form of heart attack). So JUST when I thought I would be safe from the ultimate evil she pulls over and goes RIGHT into the drive-thru.
Ever stared your fear in the eye (or eyes, spiders have 9 of them) and thought "GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE?" Well, that's how I felt. No where to run, no where to hide... it was just me, and it, in the drive-thru, with no escape. So the entire time we sat there, I was praying to God like it was judgement day, asking the Almighty to deliver me from the evil that is the hell spawn spider. And I think it worked, because thankfully, there were no other cars in the drive-thru and we got out pretty fast. So, we pulled out and headed for her house which I thought would finally be the end of it. But oh no, obviously the spawn of Satan has to have at least ONE trick left up its sleeve (or whatever spiders hide stuff in) to torture me with. So at last, we arrived at her house and she stopped to let me out of the car so that I could go up the steps into her house before she pull the car into the driveway (it's a bit tight in there).
After waiting SO long to get out of that car, I was finally ready to announce my victory over the evil spider! Or at least, I thought I would. But no, this is where the evil hellion had to use his trump card. As I stood up and flung the door open, do you know what it did? I assume in all of that web making he made some little tricks because as soon as I opened the door and attempted my prison break style escape IT CAME FLYING AT ME ON ONE OF ITS WEBS, HEADING STRAIGHT FOR MY FACE! Thankfully, I think God gave me a hand (literally) and helped me to swing my own with such precision and force that I sent that bugger flying back to hell! Now, not wanting to see if it would return for another round, I hopped so fast into that house that I scared the crap outta my bunny who was relaxing on the floor. Poor bunny. But alas, I had beaten the spawn of Satan and vanquished the evil! For now...
posted by Justine at 1:18 p.m.
1 Comments:
OMG! I hate spiders too! I would have passed out. I cannot deal with them at all. If one is even within a foot of me, I scream bloody murder and run to the complete opposite side of the room and yell for someone to come kill it. Unfortunately, since I moved out, noone lives with me, so I have to send the dog to do the dirty work - and she'll usually just eat the horrible little creature... [shivers]
At least I'm not the only wuss out there that's afraid of spiders. Welcome to the club. >.>
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